Dear Mamas,
I see you. I see you trying to do all of it. I see you trying to be a full-time work from home employee and/or business owner, newly appointed teacher, crisis manager, disinfector, meal planner, creative activity inventor, yoga instructor, and maybe get a shower in at the end of the day. I know you feel like you have to do it all. I know this because while writing this letter to you, I am lovingly writing it to myself as well.
Here’s the thing: we can’t. I don’t like the word “can’t” but I feel that it is justified here. We just can’t do all of that and do it really well. *Take a deep breath in here * And that is okay. *And let it all out here *
Stop berating yourself when you have to pause work to make lunch and fifteen minutes turns into an hour because he accidentally took a sip from the paint water cup and is scared he’s going to “fro up”.
Stop feeling guilty when you have to turn on Moana again in order to power through the emails that have been waiting for you all morning (it’s such a great movie anyway, beautiful message, what a great mom you are).
Stop telling yourself you are the worst when it’s been a couple of days since a vegetable has touched anyone’s mouth and you’re reaching for the frozen fish sticks and boxed mac and cheese again. It’s nearly bed time, and you’ve got very little left to offer this world, a freshly prepared meal can happen on the weekend.
Stop feeling like you have to rush into every single day in order to get anything done because guess what, you’ve got n o w h e r e to go.
Stop hating yourself for not creating the perfect school day schedule written on the chalkboard wall of your gorgeous kitchen in exquisite calligraphy. OR stop hating yourself for doing that but never actually following the damn thing. At least it looks super cute.
Stop feeling bad about the fact that part of you actually loves that your whole family is in one place together and you can wear pajama pants for all of your Zoom calls.
Whether you feel all of these things or are feeling something entirely different, know that you are not alone. This is new territory for all of us. Each day is a new opportunity to try again.
I smile every time I see a person without children posting “work from home tips”. I smile to hide the fact that inside I am weeping. Setting boundaries, creating routines, and dressing for the day as if I were actually going to the office are just not my reality with a 4-year-old at home. I am going to wear my pajamas all day, because I’ve been asked for a snack every time I find a minute to run upstairs to get changed. The same rules don’t apply to us. Read that again: the same rules don’t apply to us. It is not your fault that you can’t get a solid routine to work. Children are savages. They are perfect sweet lovable savages. Every day is a balancing act that could headline at any humane and animal friendly circus.
Emotions are high right now - there is a lot of uneasy and unsure, paychecks are unstable, small businesses and service based industries waiting to know what their future holds, steady job placements no longer secured... We don’t know what’s coming tomorrow. But mama, I am so proud of you for doing your best to slow this scary unknown thing down by staying home with your babies. You are showing them what it means to be a loving human that cares about the well-being of others. Just be sure to also show them how critically important it is to take care of your own well-being. You want your little person/people to learn how to love themselves too, don’t you? Show them how to do that. Prioritize time to take care of you.
At the end of the day, which for many of us work from home mamas, is pretty darn late, we have a whole lot to be grateful for. We still have a job(s) and source of income. We have a safe home to be socially distancing in. We are around the corner from spring and can go outside without freezing (don’t kill me if I just jinxed us, Buffalo). And yes, we have a little person (or persons) who may stress us out and make things more challenging, but man, the love I feel for my mini responsibility could fill up this whole earth. When those little arms wrap around me and he asks me if I want to snuggle and relax on the couch, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
While we can’t physically provide each other support, we can certainly lean on each other via the internet. Social media has to be good for something right? I’m here if you need to talk, mama. Let’s get through this, together. 💗
With lots and lots of love,
Emily Louis